an ordinary day during the descent:

a lack of enthusiasm to greet the day, but not full-blown resistance. somewhere in the middle exists a portal.

if living with someone you love, there can arise shame or embarassment - an internal pressure to “get it together.” a gnawing guilt: “why am i not more grateful for all that i have to be grateful for?” “why am i not eager to achieve goals or try new things i know i could enjoy?”

but there’s no out-smarting the descent. there’s no will-powering ourselves out of it because it serves an essential purpose: reconnecting us to Self. it’s a time to be. to discover that place where gratitude is something your bones already deeply know as they lay naked and bare.

on the outside it looks like depression. it kinda feels that way, too...it kinda is a depression - in the sense that greater forces are at work, weighing you down. you are weighted down to go within, being pressed into the earth into your body by some invisible intelligence.

it’s a sort of wandering as well. there’s a lost quality as you come undone. no more roles -- you are not a daughter, you are not a mother, you are not a wife, you are not your job title. who are you? & what will you do next?

not next. right now. do you dare brave into the center of your pain?

an anger may arise at those you love for not understanding. this is to be expected but it’s not the full picture. it helps to understand they are all mere reflections of parts of you, mirroring you. if you are feeling unsupported, ask yourself “am i fully allowing myself to feel what i feel and be with wherever i am at?” “am i judging myself or am i kindly accepting myself?” “am i truly open to feeling supported?”

once you embrace yourself wherever you are at, it’s easier to communicate the journey in a way that naturally allows for greater understanding. when you no longer need the other to understand for you...in place of you, no longer needing the other to show you first how to do it for yourself...that’s where possibilities open up.

by tenderly accepting even the darkest parts of yourself, this invites others to do the same with you, because now they have the example to follow.

and often, a way-shower is needed in the early stages, someone who has learned to be with their pain, and can be with you in yours, simply. no fixing, no agenda. not analyzing and giving unsolicited advice, nor checking out or leaving the room. a steady presence to remind you of the presence and infinite space inside yourself and all around us that can hold even this, too. someone to hold up a neutral, loving mirror to show you the wisdom in all the different ways you've managed your experience up until now, how we all have collectively, and that we have choice. we have each other. we have life and life has us. (written June 2023, reprised from a different but similar back porch.)

somehow this article I wrote feels loosely related to Maureen Murdock's 'The Heroine's Journey: Woman’s Quest for Wholeness,' which I read at some point during the pandemic. For background, Murdock wrote this as a response to Joseph Campbell’s 'Hero's Journey.' Murdock was a student of Joseph Campbell's work and felt his model failed to address the specific psycho-spiritual journey of contemporary women. As such, she developed the above model to better describe the cyclical nature of the female experience. See what feels true for you. But also, the above article I wrote isn't just for women, but for anyone with whom it resonates, regardless of sex/gender.